nesting dolls my way
by baby hosey
Summary: grissom and sara's chat at hers and how i think GSR could of started... give it a try...


Nesting dolls my way

I feel like crap, got sent home by ecklie for rowing with cath over a DV case, then I had a go at him too... Sucks big time...

**So what do I do at home? Sit around and do nothing...umm beer looks nice... **

So I put some music on and sit down trying to read but all I can think of is how pissed grissom will be over this...

**When I see him he'll pull that face and I hate that face... Uhh whatever I was fighting for a reason... Not that anyone knows my reason...**

I'm sat at my desk, not really listening to my music its just background. Then there's knock at my door, I turn off the music and walk over, I open the door... **Shit... Not who I wanted to see... Its grissom... What do I do? Act cool... **"Well, if you're here, it can't be good" **that'll do... Please let him leave...** "Can I come in?"

**uhh crap... I can't say no...**

So I step back and let him in.

**Shit I'm holding my Beer still... God... Again be cool**

"Want to ask me if I'm drunk?"

**sorted... Let him leave soon before I fall apart... I was on the edge before he came in...**

"We both know that's not your problem"

**Christ stop analysing me...**

I close the door,

**be strong**

he turns around "I spoke to Catherine"

**god knows what she said to him...**

I just nod "Ecklie?"

**I know what he's gonna say**

"He wants me to fire you"

**see I knew...**

"I figured" I sigh,

**god I'm stood here with a beer and I've not offered him anything... **

"Can I get you anything?"

"Sure. An explanation"

**not what I thought... Come on Sara play it cool...**

"I ... lost my temper"

I can't be too near him so I walk around the room and stop in front of my desk "That seems to be happening quite a bit. Do you know why?"

**uhh he's analysing me, I don't want to talk about all this... No one knows the real reason**,

"What difference does it make? I'm still fired"

**go on leave...**

"It makes a difference to me"

**uhh Gris you dong care about me so why does it... Uhh don't do this to me again...ok quick explanation then he'll go**

"I have a problem with authority. I choose men who are emotionally unavailable. I'm self-destructive. All of the above"

**there... That'll do, but will he except the little blame I'm putting on him... Probably not he's so think skinned, **

"Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization?"

I take a breath, but before I say anything,

"it's from the 'Big Chill' One of the characters explaining a basic fact of life - that rationalizations are more important to us than sex even"

**what can I say to that... Not bloody much... This is gonna be a long process...** I sit down

"I am not rationalizing anything. I crossed the line with Catherine, and I was insubordinate to Ecklie"

**God this is growing boring**

"Why?"

**he can't ask me why...** I shake my head

"Leave it alone" is all he gets "No, Sara"

**its like he's in my head...**

"What do you want from me?"

**if I give it to him he may leave, and look at me like the kids at school did...**

"I want to know why you're so angry" I just stare at him,

**can I really go into this?**

"sit down, ill try ok?" he sits almost opposite me,

**I'm not comfortable with talking about this or it being with him, this is my darkest secret and I'm about to share it with the love of my life who's kept me at arms length already... This will push him further away but once he knows its done...**

I curl my legs up to my chest,

**I must look like a child**, I feel it discussing this.

"Gris, when I was a kid I grew up in a house full of anger, rows and violence, and it ended in a death" he's looking at me so sincerely,

"It's funny...the things that you remember and the things that you don't, you know. There was a smell of iron in the air. Cast-off on the bedroom wall. There was this young cop puking his guts. I remember the woman who took me to foster care. I can't remember her name. Which is strange, you know, 'cause I couldn't let go of her hand"

**I'll have to tell him who was killed; he probably thinks it was mum... **

"Well ... the mind has its filters"

**I'm in up to my neck so I may as well drown...**

"I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"

**I've worried about this for sometime but never been able to ask without causing unwanted questions, he's looking through me again **

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behaviour",

**ok drowning**

"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights, the yelling, the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't" I start to cry,

**I feel pathetic**.

Grissom reaches out and holds my hand.

**I don't want his sympathy; this is where I came from, made me who I am...**

My cry becomes more of a sob, I can't see his face through my tears

**I'm glad of it...**

He moves, he's pulling my legs down from the chair, I slump forward

"Sara" his voice is calm, steady and caring...

I look up he's knelt before me

"Sara, its ok don't feel you have to hide your tears from me"

**I know I don't but how can I tell him that... **

He's moving; he puts his hand gently on my cheek and is stroking it...

**I wanna die... I've wanted this for so long from him but it won't mean to him what is does me, **

"Sara" he's moving in towards me,

**no he's not, he's not moving into kiss me**...

He's so close now I can feel his breath on my lips,

**I feel weak**,

I close my eyes

"gris stop..." he does but doesn't move away

"I don't want your sympathy...if you... kiss me now... there's not turning back, you can't kiss me... then push me... Away again... "

I'm becoming breathless,

**and excited with him this close **

"you kiss me and it means... you want me and will be with me... There's no turning back"

**I await him to move away**

"so be it"

**he's gonna move away, **

he doesn't he places his lips delicately on mine,

**Oh my god, he's kissing me, **he pulls back a little,

**I'm stunned,** I move my hand to around his neck and pull him into a passionate kiss,

**oh my god were kissing... And he knows there's not turning back**.

I pull out and he moves in and holds me...

"You ok?" he whispers near my ear

"yes..." I feel him smile

"good, I've wanted to do that for sometime, and its not sympathy... Its because I want to" he sighs

"what's wrong gris?" another sigh

"I've got to go back to work and leave you"

**I'm confused**

"and what?"

"I don't wanna leave you now"

**I'm not sure I like this**

"I'm fine now...I'm" before I finish he jumps in

"I know, I don't want to go as I want to spend time with you, talk more and..." He pauses

"and what?"

he pulls back, and kisses me again

"kiss you more" I smile at him,

"Gris..." he smiles

"first change, when were together out of work I'm not Gris, I'm Gil" he smiles his wonderful smile

"ok gil... That's gonna take time to get used to... Yeah come back later on, I doubt ill sleep much, call me when you get out and come back. We can spend time" he smiles...

"You sure? I don't want to go from nothing to suffocating you"

I put my hand on his cheek

"its fine, I want to" we kiss again...

"I'd better go" he stands up,

helps me up and holds my hand to the door "ill call you later" I smile

"you'd better"

"you try stopping me, see you later" he pulls me into his arms, then we kiss. "Bye" is all I manage and he leaves...  
><strong>Oh my god I just kissed him... And he wants to spend time and wow... He wants to be with me... Took him bloody long enough though... Maybe letting out my secret was a good idea... <strong>


End file.
